Tuesday, August 17, 2010

it's time...

to let it all out.
to vent.
to rant.
to unburden my mind and my heart.

i start back to work tomorrow, and i can't take all this baggage with me.

i've had so much emotional and family drama and turmoil over the last month, i have to get it out. i don't normally post personal family issues on here, but i can't let this go.

i need opinions and advice. i need suggestions.
i need to know if anyone else has been through/is going through something like this...or is it just my family?

it all started with a birthday party...and it's blown up from there.

i have been hurt beyond belief. i didn't know someone that i thought loved me unconditionally could turn on me without a second thought.
this someone is my sister...
my only sister.
i have been through pain and grief and anger...but this is unbearable to me.

i've tried to extend an "invitation" to work things out. but it doesn't seem to be a priority.
i'd like to think that i'm not the only one hurting...but i'm not sure that's true.

as if being without my sister wasn't hard enough, now i've been hurt by my mother.
it only took a minute...to disappear without a word.
to ignore family, friends, and grandchildren.

but, again, the pain is undeniable.

i'm trying to be strong.
i'd like to just be mad...angry...pissed.
and pretend it doesn't matter. that it's okay.
pretend that i could speak my mind and voice my opinion and they'd listen and understand.
that they would see and understand my point.
i just don't think that's going to happen.

and so far, the only way i've been able to cope is to find some space by myself and cry it out.

it's all so stupid. something little being made into something tremendous and, possibly, something that can't be fixed.

the only saving grace right now is that my girls don't know what's going on.

i just don't know what i'm going to do when they start to notice that 2 of their favorite people aren't around anymore.


Altered Queen said...

Only the people we love can hurt us that much. And I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will work itself out eventually. They will always be your Mom and Sister. Take Care....

Marie said...

Wow. I am always amazed at how petty family can be sometimes. I dont know why. I really shouldnt since it happens ALL the time. My sister actually deleted (from fb)me, my husband, and my 14 year old daughter all because she didnt like what my husband had to say. Petty. You arent alone. I dont know how these things get fixed but they do. Eventually. Im sending hugs your way my dear. xoxox

cupcake studio said...

Wow. I have no words of wisdom other than...keep trying. And, hang in there. Family. They can make us nuts...but also give us so much joy!

Kelly said...

Eek! We haven't spoken to my sister in...about 8 years. And we have been the better for it. My Grandmother for probably 6. Some people are toxic and you're better off without them.

NOT that I'm saying your Mother and Sister are!! You have to decide on that yourself. I just know there's no sense in waiting around and hurting for someone who is so blinded by righteousness that they can't see how wrong they really are.

Hug your kids and fill the void. When they ask about them tell them the truth. They are mad at Mommy right now, they are sisters too they know how much they can love then hate eachother in a matter of moments lol

aja said...

kelly...thanks so much! I appreciate the advice. I like the idea of referring to the fact that they are sisters too so they would understand.